After much thought, I finally picked my one word.......
Refining.
Our adoption process has been far from easy, but we have seen God's hand throughout all of it.
Every snag? Absolutely frustrating - but through all of it - Grace has abounded.
You know what is nuts?
It hit me the other day how someone with an outside perspective on the speed of our adoption or a newbie checking out the blog (to get a look at timelines....yes that is a real reason to blog surf in the adoption world), could easily see all the snags we've hit and wonder how we could even think that God is in this. I mean, how could God really be in this, if it is so hard? If the fight is so long? If the snags that we are hitting are so ridiculously non-normal? If God was in this, wouldn't He have blessed it? (and by blessed it meaning this process would of course be swift and seamless....)
Honestly, when we started this process? I thought it would move fast. Why? Because why wouldn't it? God called us to it. Bam. That alone should have decided it, right? Why would he call us to something that would be a struggle?
I almost can't believe I'm typing this, since it isn't over yet, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. Persevering through this struggle has been a gift. Through it, I've seen how much He loves me. That He knows what He has planned for my family, and that didn't include leaving us as we started. I am praising Him that He is more than just about the end result. God has taken our hearts and is molding them (albeit painfully many many times) into what He wants us to be for HIS glory. For what HE has for us to do. He wasn't going to just going to leave us be. Adoption has been a vehicle for heart change for us on many levels and God has been refining bit by bit, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year.
It is not always to say that the pain of the refining is something that I am smiling about from ear to ear at all times......but what it produces? Now that is something to be thankful for. But that isn't all. We have experienced such amazement along the way at the grace that God shown us. At.Every.Turn. Those snags? Always met with grace and His hand. It doesn't take away the longing (or the rough weeks like last week) but what it does give us are benchmarks to look back at. Methodically going backwards to look at those things God has done throughout the process reminds us of His goodness. It reminds us that He IS FAITHFUL. It reminds us of His provision........which points squarely forward to the finish. It may drive me crazy, this unknown ending date at this point, but God does know the end and I know Him to be faithful.
My condensed grace list is backwards......why? Because that is how I go through it - starting from present and going toward the beginning.
- Embassy opened our case quickly due to little miss's health concern with her weight. (They had been experiencing a backlog and people were waiting 6ish weeks to even get to the point their file was even opened)
- Despite little miss's small size and lack of reserve, she came through the illness that hospitalized her and only lost 4 oz. in the process. She is tiny, but mighty.
- Our RFE (request for evidence) from USCIS (immigration) stateside which must be answered by our agency in under 45 days.........was answered in 1 day.
- Our pediatrician writing a letter of urgency to try to help speed along little miss's case due to her noted failure to thrive. Our amazing pediatrician did so, not only quickly and on her DAY OFF, she was even willing to take it to her bank to have it notarized - who does that? (if you live in the KC area and want a ped. recommendation? I've got one!)
- PAIR documents (that we had waited for 6 months) arrived the day BEFORE I was heading to Ethiopia to visit little miss. Because my plane didn't take off until the afternoon, I was able to mail them THE DAY I LEFT!
- Getting Little Miss's regional clearance. It was an absolute miracle. Blind seeing, dead being raised kinda miracle.
- EHE (a ministry that I've come to LOVE after our visit in May) not only coming to Liberty, but coming to a church in my town that is literally a stone's throw away from mine. Getting to meet with the Shannon's for lunch at Journey Church. Being prayed over by the Shannon's for a breakthrough in our adoption - looking back later and finding out that little miss's regional clearance letter was signed the NEXT DAY.
- A word that had been given to us months before it was needed, when we found out that it looked like we wouldn't get the regional clearance without another new document first and all hope would seem lost - God brought this word to my mind and I was more hope-filled than I had been. Confirmation that He has this. Rest. (I don't go into details about the specific word in the linked blog post - as some things are to personal to post publicly - but if you'd ever like to know, I would love to share in person!)
- Having a specific date to pray for - our orphanage meeting with the regional people about the letter we needed and letting them know about little miss's health concerns.
- Wanting to head to Ethiopia again to see my little miss, having the opportunity to travel with a friend........asking the Lord for confirmation (either way) as to whether to travel or not - and then having ALL the money for my ticket provided in full.
- The network of adoptive parents that has enabled me to send cases of specialized formula over for my girl.....specifically being able to get a new formula for her to try, less than a week after discussing it with our agency.
- Being in country and seeing that Little Miss has Jason's ear, one dimpled cheek (same side as Jason & Tori) and dimpled chin. Wowza. Of course she would.
- Traveling in May to visit. Meeting little miss for the first time. Discovering that she wasn't on a higher calorie formula to try to help with her weight issues. Guess who was on that specialty formula within a week of this mama's visit?
- Getting Little Miss's referral and the when/how of that story that I will share at some point. Just not yet. But believe me it is good and the timing of when it happened could be orchestrated by God alone.
- Little Miss's name. The name we had picked out? So close to the one she originally came with - in fact, the nickname that we will use for her (that is shortened from her name) - has only ONE LETTER difference from the name we chose a year earlier.
- Having a support system (locally of two other adoptive moms w/in my own church) who were at the same point in their adoptions as my family, during our long 9 month wait for a second referral.
- Having the opportunity to experience brokenness in the "safest" way ever. Waiting for something GOOD. No one died. No tragedy occurred. Although it may seem silly to some that an extended wait or longing could fall in this category, it can. I am thankful for it, because of it I have become much more compassionate. There is no quick way to learn that lesson, but to struggle through and to come out knowing that God is faithful and good despite things working out totally different than YOU planned.
- Deciding to move forward, despite the long wait for second referral, and get the bunk beds ready in Tori's room. Then discovering we already HAD what we needed.....it had been purchased and stored a few years before. Later after getting Little Miss's referral? And looking back at blog dates? We put the bunk beds up the week little miss was born......how is that for awesome?
- The timing of starting a part-time job at my church. I was scheduled to begin the week after losing our first referral, but went to work right away. With the busy-ness of being the hub of all the working parts at the church.....it kept my mind engage, excited, active and productive at a time it would have been easy to be overcome.
- How we lost our first referral. AT court, because her mama wanted to parent. I have known multiple people to lose referrals because of death or because of a child getting stuck in the system for one reason or another, but to lose a referral because a mama changed her mind and wants to parent? The.Best.Reason.Ever. Also, being glad it happened to us and not a family with waiting for their first child or without the same perspective........
- Being FULLY FUNDED within 9 months of starting our adoption process. Generous family and friend support. Show Hope grant. Ordinary Hero. Give1Save1 blog. Being given the opportunity to watch God's provision at work. To say that it blew us away would be an understatement.
- Starting this blog - realizing that I enjoy writing (shocking revelation to this former PE teacher ;). Thankful to not only have a place to journal for little miss's benefit once she is safely home (and wants to hear some of her story from our side of the journey to her) but also as a platform to share and walk out this faith journey with others.
Overall you know what I am most thankful for? Learning how weak I really am. Learning how to release control, timelines and my will. Opportunity to learn 1st hand what trust is - that feelings must take a back burner to the truth of who God is and His Word. Will I always walk perfectly in these things all the time? Flawlessly above it all? Heck no. Hello. Human here, but thankfully God knows that already and loves me anyhow.
Isaiah 43:1-3
But now, this is what the LORD says
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Isreal:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; (Cheryl, or insert your name here) you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze
For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Isreal, your Savior
I am HIS. It doesn't keep me from the hard times, He is with me in the hard times. Giving me what I need when I need it. Waiting for me to lean into Him.
Y'all that might not seem condensed, but that is condensed. There is even more than that to share. God's hand is all over this process. Although I would like the wrap up to be sooner rather than later, more than anything, may God be glorified IN it and THROUGH it all.
Love this song......worth the listen :)
You Carry Me
by Moriah Peters
Amen! How amazing. Little Miss is clearly meant for your family. Thank you for sharing. ..what an encouragement!
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