All things updated....

So you know our homestudy that we started to update in February? Well, back then I was WAY ahead of the game knowing that our I-171h (pre-approval to bring an orphan into the country) was going to expire in early July. There seemed to be no hope of a referral on the horizon, so being the prepared person that I am, I forged ahead. I got all our initial paperwork done - new state fingerprinting, updated our financial paperwork, updated our children's medical forms, etc.......the only things we had left to complete was the doctor visits for Jason & I and then a home visit from our social worker, all of which were scheduled for mid-March. THEN we got our referral! Yay! We no longer would need the update to our homestudy because we would turn in our I-600 (the application that tells WHO you are adopting) well before that July expiration date. Or.So.We.Thought. The paperwork we've been waiting on? Well, we need that in order to file. Sigh.

So that July expiration date is what has been looming ahead of me for months, but really staring me down for the few weeks. It's been like a standoff. Like some horribly sick stressful game of chicken.

Do we update?
Do we not?
Oh yay! I saw the last form in Ethiopia!
Oh wait, no it's not.
Will the last form come in time?
(because seriously, all I ever hear is we hope to have it by next week........)

Why is it such a big dilemma? Because no one wants to update if they don't have to - updating comes at a price. A steep price.....with the fingerprinting fees, doctor's visits, home visit and write up - around $600 (and as far as updates go? That is on the low end of the spectrum). Obviously, we'd rather not pay that amount if we didn't need to. I can think of a whole lot of other ways to spend or give that amount of money. Especially because if our paperwork comes in the next two weeks? We didn't need the homestudy update - complete waste of money. If the paperwork does not come in the next two weeks? We needed the homestudy update - money well spent.

Argh! What to do?

Ultimately, we decided to play it safe and update.

Whew. 
Decision made.

But the decision in and of itself doesn't update a homestudy.

Now we needed to get an update done in the next two weeks, which is a crazy short time frame. This process takes time - which we don't have a lot of at this point (remember we still needed doctor's visits AND a home visit) and the schedules of multiple individuals must line up in order to make this happen on short notice.

Tuesday night (6/10) was when we decided that the update needed to be done. I emailed our social worker to see if it was even a remote possibility. She emailed back IMMEDIATELY (at night, mind you) and said that it was. She could get it done. We would be bumped up to the top of the list, she would start the updating process (obviously adding a year to each of our ages, things such as that) AND could meet with us this Friday (6/13) for the home visit. Um.Wow.

However, we still needed for both Jason & I to get physicals, and our doc normally is scheduled at least a month out. Jason (who had the day off today) called the doctors office this morning. Guess what? They had two back to back openings this afternoon and could see us both.......what? (The timing almost resulted in traumatizing my youngest child due to school dismissal, but thanks to an amazing neighbor he seems to be unscathed - Thanks Tracey!)

So it is nothing short of MIRACULOUS that tomorrow when our social worker arrives, we can turn in the papers and be totally done with our part of the update.


Let me tell you just how relieved I am that this long, looming, giant game of chicken with our expiration date is over! I didn't realize how much it was weighing on me.

Ahhhhh.......freedom comes at a price, but it is always worth it.
(I could write another blog post with that last statement. Another time though)

Glory to God!

Pause for reflection.....

It has been a year since this happened.

A year.

Unbelievable.

It took time to process through, obviously it wasn't all roses and sunshine the months that followed. There was real loss to work through, even while trusting that God is faithful. There were periods of sadness. There are STILL periods of sadness. Let me be upfront - I am SO grateful at that time I did not know that we would still be in the thick of the adoption process, a whole year later. Oh how disheartening that would have been. I am SO grateful at that time I did not know about all the painful days that would follow, learning lessons in trust as we waited well past the 6 weeks we thought it would take to get a new referral.

I am also grateful for other things - That this process has refined me in ways I didn't know I needed - and frankly, I wouldn't have walked into on purpose. I'm grateful that this past year full of bumps (even still in the midst of one now) I experienced God's mercy and grace like I never had before. I'm grateful that I have been able to watch God faithfully work out intricate timing and details that I couldn't have even imagined.

But the thing that I'm most grateful for?

That because of that huge bump..........this whole thing has become more than just about adoption.

Don't misunderstand me - the part we play in adoption is beautiful and badly needed. I am absolutely OVER THE MOON about the thought of bringing our Little Miss home, but if our first referral had gone through picture perfect, things would be different. Our hearts would have been right, wanting to give a child in need of a family, a family.....but that most likely would have been the end of the story.

Adoption? Check.

Thank goodness God had other plans. That God didn't leave us as we started. He took the something that was not so fabulous last year, of losing our first referral, and used it - working ALL things for our good. Over the course of this past year as we waited. prayed, sought, yearned and dug into God's word our hearts began to change. It wasn't always pretty. It definitely wasn't without tears shed (mostly by me :), but I know that God is preparing us for something and will use our family in ways that we weren't ready for before.

I also know this Little Miss is going to be worth every single second of this wait!

Since it is almost Tuesday, and I love a good alliteration (Tuesday's Tunes....because if you are on my RSS feed you are getting this on a Tuesday), here you go - a favorite!

In Christ Alone

Mercy Me

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless Babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save

Til on that cross as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sins curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From a lifes first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Could ever pluck me from His hand

Til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I stand

Update and a photo dump

Hard to believe that two weeks have gone by since I have returned home from Ethiopia......

While in country I was SO excited to see what was thought to be the last document we needed in order to FINALLY submit our I-600 application. Unfortunately, I found out late last week that there is one more thing. So believe it or not, we are still waiting :(

Sigh. It sometimes feels like the delays will never end, as we have had more than our share.

This mama shed some tears last Friday when I found this tidbit of information out, as that news pretty much snuffed out the last glimmer of hope that we had to make it to Ethiopia again before the courts close in August. There just isn't enough time.

On the bright side, I found out today that my super teeny Little Miss is finally putting on more weight. Besides discovering that our gal was older than we previously thought, the most surprising thing about the trip was seeing first hand just how small she was. Seriously. SUPER SMALL. She's been in our agencies transition home for 4+ months and had only put on 2 pounds. A half a pound a month? Not much for an already small kid who is getting good care. When I was in country, I found out from the nurse that they had her on an NG tube for a week or so trying to increase her weight, but to no avail as she would just spit up the excess. I also found out from personal experience that not only does she not eat much, but that she is a really slow eater......concerning when you know that, even in the best type of care possible, there is no way the staff have that kind of time to spend with each baby. (it would take her 45 min. to 1 1/2 hrs. to eat 2 to 3 ounces) - so it was obvious that she needs more calories per ounce, that a specialized formula would give. I assumed at her size that she was already on such a formula. Turns out she was not.

Guess what? Now she is!
Has me wondering if that was the reason this mama really needed to go visit :) Before we were seeing a typical weight gain of at most 2 oz. per week, and some weeks no gain at all. I got an email today with her current stats (separate from our normal weekly updates, which typically are a week behind) and she had gained 6 ounces.......in only ONE week - that was almost a whole month of gain before.

Needless to say, I am absolutely rejoicing!!!!!

So now it is official. Even though she is nowhere near newborn age, she now has the exact weight, length and head circumference that my oldest child had AT HIS BIRTH. 

Crazy, right? Whew. Now on to the photo dump because I realized that I didn't share many pictures from the trip :)

Here are some random pics from our trip.................

Although appearing high maintenance, we had surprisingly little personal effects in all this baggage!

Our quick stop in London - the London Eye from a park across the river

Epic fail. My attempt at a selfie w/ Big Ben in the background......

Big Ben

Westminister Abby

Permanent ping pong table in a courtyard - awesome.

Waiting at the London Heathrow Airport to check our bags for Ethiopia!

Glimpses of Africa out of the plane window

Construction

Connected in Hope

Trying my hand at weaving.....let's just say, I'm not a natural.

No words needed......

Outside of the weaving compound - drying spices

My youngest man was BY FAR the funniest person to facetime. Lots of closeup shots!

View out of the window of the guest home.

The street directly outdoors getting a cobblestone facelift. Quite the project to watch.

Rhonda.......heading off on her own. Did I mention that I'm a big chicken?

When I sent this pic to Jason from Ethiopia - his message back? "Leave it to you to measure our baby with candy"

Can I get a collective Awwwwwww.............

There you have it folks, the bulk of my trip. There are definitely things I wish I would've taken pictures of, but in the moment, it didn't seem right OR was taking away from the experience - such as when we visited Embracing Hope. Hard to capture the awesomeness of that in pics. It needs to be seen. In person. I also took limited pics of things pertaining to my Little Miss that I can actually post - since I can't show her face until we've passed court. 

Please continue to pray for our process, that our paperwork would be freed up soon and for the continued health and weight gain for Little Miss. We really do appreciate all the prayer support of our friends and family!

It's in the details

So. I've heard it said many times before that God is in the details.

Those little things that fall into place that seem uncanny, but you know are in NO WAY an accident? Well, we've had some of these along the way, and I thought it would be fun to share them!

Like when this happened.

Or this - although you have to read all the way to the end to get to the good detail stuff AND I didn't even go into all that was amazing at the time.........getting the scarf as a gift from my friend who had just come back from Ethiopia, the DAY that I was already blogging about the scarves? Neat enough - but what I also didn't say was that took place the first day a different group of friends and I were starting our clothes "fast" in the study 7 (An experimental mutiny against excess). I was going to be wearing only 7 articles of clothing for two weeks. I had a jacket, pair of jeans, pair of comfy pants, 2 short sleeved shirts, a long sleeved shirt and A SCARF picked out to wear, the day this happened was literally day 1. The scarf that was the EXACT same color scheme as the the scarf that I had planned to wear for the duration - meaning that it already matched everything I had chosen. It was SO amazing to be able to wear something that had meaning and because it happened day one (rule follower that I am) I could swap it out with the scarf I had chosen, because I'd not yet worn it. I probably can't explain it totally so that it makes sense, but it was mind boggling how the timing of the blog post, starting that 7 fast, meeting my friend, same color scheme all played out. I was left awed. 

So I shouldn't have been surprised at all when after waiting for 9 months for a new referral, Little Miss's actual Ethiopian name would be SO incredibly close to the name we'd had picked out for over a year, that we would just keep the one she came with :) 

I also shouldn't have been surprised when I met her in person for the first time, that when she turned her head, I saw this......

A folded ear - shockingly like my husbands. None of my biological children have inherited this from their dad. But there I sat. IN ETHIOPIA. With our daughter........who has my husband's ear. 

Insane.

Little Miss also has a dimple on just one side of her face when she smiles.

Which is the exact same side as her dad's and Tori's one dimple.

Little Miss also has a dimple in her chin.

Just like Jason, two of our bio kids & I.

God is good. He is in the details. This adoption story still feels far from over since Little Miss isn't yet in our arms. However, I know this much, God has wowed me beyond belief already (even though his timing was different then mine), and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for my family and this precious little girl!

Very random musings from a week of travel and Ethiopia......

Too many things to expand on - so a partly bulleted summary is what you get:

• Looking back at my week of blog posts while in Ethiopia, I use the word amazing a lot.

• I am a BIG chicken (not news to some of you - especially Jason & Rhonda)

• What is with full on shopping malls within international airports? I honestly don't get it, I didn't enjoy walking through a mall to get to my gate. 

• The cultural samplings of people at international airports is mind boggling......since I'd never been out of the country before, it was eye opening.

• Ethiopian coffee is seriously like no other. The rest of the world doesn't know. I felt like a coffee pack mule on the way back - the least I could do to repay a coffee loving husband that took on the brunt of the load when I left the country :)

• I am very used to BIG children and babies......Little Miss's smallness was throwing me off in a way I didn't expect. So odd to see a newborn sized baby do older developmental things.

• Ethiopians are extremely loving and hospitable people.

• The reinforcement in my mind that the response to orphans and the orphan crisis is not just adoption, definitely a small piece of the puzzle, but it is really prevention. (5 million orphans in Ethiopia alone - which is a country about the size of Texas)

• Amazed at the United States. That in our country there is opportunity for all. Put in the effort, time & sweat equity and you can do anything - not true other places. Seeing it for the first time was eye opening.

• The single thing that surprised me the most about Addis was the sheer amount of people. People everywhere. Walking everywhere. Only wealthy people in Ethiopia own a car.  This fact alone brought out the wide divide between how I live and others in the world. 

• The exchange rate of US dollar to Birr is 1:19 - visited an ATM in Ethiopia (and unfortunately because I am not good at fast math :) thought I was taking out a lot money. Since everything is paid in cash in Ethiopia we wanted to make sure we had plenty (along with the money we brought) to pay our guest house and driver  - 3,500birr is what I took out (100 birr being the biggest denomination - so it looked like a LOT) We did the math in the car to find out that it was only $151 US.

• Shocked at my response to the $151.....it was crazy I viewed that amount as ONLY in my mind. That amount to someone else in country would be a large, unattainable at one time, sum. That is when it hit me - I.am.a.rich.person. Ouch. (disclaimer: by that amount being ONLY $151 - what I am not saying is that I have that amount of money to waste or spend as I will, or even that it is such a small amount. Years of Dave Ramsey facilitating has made Jason and I VERY careful with just how we spend our money. What I was, was humbled by the simple fact that I have that amount or more available to me, should I need it, when so many others don't have that luxury)

These last few facts kept shouting at me while I was there. Car ownership being rich, my dollar being worth so much, how inexpensive things were to buy because our money was worth more, the opportunities we have in America that are not available to all. Crazy when you think that my household in America financially feels about mid-pack culturally. Middle class. A lot of people have more than us (or look like it - because they are probably carrying huge amounts of debt), and I've seen with my own eyes that others have a lot less.

Let the cultural mind wrestling begin.

While in Ethiopia - I kept coming back to a few passages of scripture. Over and over. Chewing on them in a whole new way.

Matthew 6:19 "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is there your heart will be also."

Gut check. I know where I think my heart is, but where is my heart? Do I find comfort in my things?

It keeps going a few verses later speaking on not worrying......Matthew 6:25-27 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

If my things were taken totally away and my dependance totally on God alone, could I relax and rely on Him alone? How much of my confidence is because I have "things"?

Matthew 6 is coming to a close with the not worrying about tomorrow and ties into chapter 7 with.......Matthew 7:7-11 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish will give him a snake? If YOU then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask?"

The comparison of God the Father with us as natural parents. Of course if our kiddos ask us for something, we will generously give what they need - out of love.

Followed of course by......Matthew 7:13 & 14 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Paying attention to my course. Does it need correcting? Does it feel easy? Am I really on the wide road? Letting culture lead me? Or is God leading me?

Then wrapped up with Matthew 7:15-23 - The sum up being, you will recognize people by their fruit produced. A good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. The two cannot be interchanged. What is my fruit? Has my life been so impacted by the gospel that the fruit of it is absolutely reflective of the change within?

This is the first time that I noticed a certain thread connecting all of these verses.....

• Don't store up treasure on here on Earth - store up treasure in heaven.
• But yet while having less, don't worry. God will provide what you need when you need it.
• ASK when you need (legitimate need - look at the examples), He will provide.
• Whoa. The things above sure seem like a narrow road.....VERY different than the majority.
• Just what is my fruit? Good? Bad? Is it reflective of what has been done for me?

Am I the only one seeing this? I tell you. I couldn't read through these passages of scripture while in country without being totally broken. Tears people. From a non-crier. I just saw these passages in a totally new light. You see I AM RICH PEOPLE. The culture that I live in just shielded it from my eyes. Comparison to the wrong standard is what keeps us (me) fooled.

I hate to say it, but I must. YOU ARE RICH PEOPLE. If you are reading this. On a computer. In America. If you own a car. Own a home. Have running clean water. Electricity. This is you too.

What to do with that knowledge? Honestly, I wish I knew. I'm not sure. I know it isn't cookie cutter and has to look different for everyone. However, I do know "that to whom much is given, much is expected; and the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked" (Luke 12:48)  and I have been given much, now what to do with it.

Practically for me - it starts with a major adjustment to the lens in which I view the world, maybe it is God prepping me and my family to actively do more. For now, supporting ministries like Embracing Hope that minister to the poorest of the poor and spreading awareness. I do know that I won't ever be the same and that God's got this. He knows where he is going with our family, we just have to be open to his direction.

Take a moment - this song is worth the listen!

Home Sweet Home

Jake was just 17mo. old when Tori was born. I remember the odd phenomenon of seeing him for the first time AFTER she was in my arms.......he looked absolutely ginormous! The still mostly bald headed, 5 toothed boy was so large in comparison to newborn Tori. I wasn't expecting that kind of comparison when coming home yesterday. I know that my kiddos are older and therefore there is no comparison to teeny tiny little Miss, but when I saw them yesterday for the first time? I swear they looked as though they had grown by a foot since I left.......most likely it is the newborn comparison, but it caught me off guard, big time!

Our flights yesterday couldn't have gone smoother. Ethiopia to Frankfurt (via an unexpected stop in the Middle East at 2am - definitely scary when you're not expecting it) to Houston to Kansas City. We had a tight connection between Frankfurt and Houston - an hour and a half to get through immigration, collect our luggage, check in at a different airline to get boarding passes, go through security screening again and then board the plane with long lines throughout each step of that process. We did have to do some socked-footed running after the security screening, but we were NOT going to miss our last flight! We arrived and it was already open boarding, no lines with minutes to spare. Praise the Lord!

As hard as it was to leave my sweet girl? I am so glad to be home. However, I can't seem to think of my little Miss or see a map of the world without tearing up. So my local people be prepared. It is hard to leave someone so precious, so vulnerable on the other side of the world - I am so incredibly glad I had the chance to go - but she is now more than a picture. She is full of personality and absolutely precious. Just look at her......

As for where we are in the process? We should be receiving our paperwork this week (that we've been waiting three months for) and will be submitting to PAIR. There is a glimmer of hope that we could get in before courts close, but just a glimmer - everything would have to move lightning fast AND smooth with no hiccups - which as you all know, has not been our story thus far. We need a miracle. Would you join us in prayer? Please also be praying for her health.  The nurse "sister" at the foster home was talking to me, just Monday, about because she is SO small, that she has very little in reserve if she were to get sick. It is definitely more risky for her to be there longer than she has to be. Pray that she gains weight and that God would protect her from illness. I know that God loves this little gal. That he even knows the number of little curly hairs on her head and that I can trust that He is holding my sweet baby in the palms of His hands.

Micah 7:7 

As for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, 

I wait for God my Savior; 

my God will hear me.

Day Four

Today was an amazing day!

Our visiting with the kiddos was as fun as ever. It is amazing to see the difference a few days has made - especially with Rhonda’s little man, since he is a bit older. He was tentative at first and now that he has warmed up and he is all about interacting with his mama. How fun that has been to watch. Being able to learn about their personalities, seeing just how much the nannies at the foster home LOVE them - it is priceless!

We met a couple today for lunch, Carmen & Trent Post, who started Make Your Mark ministries here in Ethiopia. They minister to street children to rehabilitate, educate and sometimes reunite with their families, they come along side about 80 families to help give them short term support so that families can stay together (orphan prevention), they are also work with global orphan summit which is trying to help (grassroots) in countries like Ethiopia to establish a foster type system and encourage people to adopt within their own country. It is like a trifecta of amazingness. After spending 4 days in Ethiopia, it was good to be able to talk to folks that have been living here for awhile to help us process what we’ve seen, how we can make a difference, etc. I left wowed at what God can do through His people when they follow his calling for them. What  a testimony they have.  

Then to top that off? We mentioned that we still needed to buy some Ethiopian coffee before we left and we got hooked up w/ their favorites. I am now a coffee bean importer :) Jason, be prepared!

Our visit took up the entire time (and then some) between the visiting hours, so they brought us directly to the foster home to visit the babes. During our visit, there must have been a show that the nannies who were coming off shift love to watch on Sundays and the visiting room is the only place there is a TV. So four of the nannies joined us in the room to watch a show. While they were with us in the visiting room, they noticed the photo books we had of our families and asked to see. Each one of them poured over each picture wanting to know who everyone was - husband, kids, grandparents, etc. It was so fun to tell them about the families these kids are going to be joining. These women are incredible. One thing I am continually in awe of is just how much the nannies love these kiddos. The babies just LIGHT UP when they see them. The nannies (when going to fetch things, coming on or off a shift, etc) always walk by and interact with the kiddos. Kissing them, getting smiles, talking to them, etc. Makes this mama’s heart so happy, that if I can’t be there, that someone is doting on my girl. Loving her, kissing her. She is getting the best care possible, I am sure of it!

We head home tomorrow evening. It is good that we stayed long enough that we are looking forward to going back, not wishing we had more time. I can’t wait to squeeze all my people! Please be praying for Rhonda and I as we say goodbye to our sweet babes for now, for traveling safety, and for sleep on the plane - or it is going to be a LONG 26 hours……

Next time I update, I’ll be home!