I KNOW God is big - like really big. He hung the stars. He created the world. He can move the hearts of Kings. He can move the people's hearts that need to sign our paperwork to move forward.
However, if I've learned anything, it's that God's timing is not my own. I know that I don't have an overarching picture of what He is doing, what He is orchestrating. I have peace with that. I don't always like it - but we have experienced the pain and JOY of this first hand. THIS is where the wrestling occurs. It really comes down to the days before, a big date like this, laying it down at his feet and surrendering it to him. Lord, your will be done - because we KNOW that is the best, even if the answer is not what we want - despite momentary pain that may come from the immediate outcome. This struggle and surrender is vital in the adoption process and life.
With that lead up, I will tell you that yesterday's review date didn't go as we had hoped. No signature for us and we received another negative comment.........this time, unbelievably, because those reviewing our paperwork wondered what happened to Baby H (who was our first referral whom we lost in court back in early June 2013, apparently our file was still somehow connected with hers, although her mother chose to parent and she has been out of the system for almost 2 years). Such a random snag. That is the absolute last thing on earth I could have imagined as a reason to be snagged. Ironic really. We are being delayed because we were delayed. It would honestly be funny if it didn't have the potential of costing us more time.
Obviously we were disappointed those first few minutes after the email, but then we start gloving up. Seriously? Getting news like this, when things just keep getting MORE and MORE ridiculous? It becomes blatantly apparent that the struggle we are going through? This battle? Is not of flesh and blood, It is a spiritual one. (Eph. 6:12). Our only response to that can be to throw my hands up in praise.................because we have already seen what God has done through delays before. He has used this process to point Jason and I always to Him. We know the Word. We know who will win. We know who is faithful. We know just who will soon be crushed under our feet (Romans 16:20) and it thrills us to the core to think that THIS kiddo (who is so itty bitty) is scaring the living snot out of the enemy and he is throwing everything at this process to delay - the only thing? The harder it is? The more GLORY God will get when Little Miss comes home, because the battle is the Lord's!
Inexplicably, despite this news, we are filled with HOPE. We have seen this EXACT type of thing happen to us before when trying to get our new regional clearance - here.......followed by this.
So what happens now? Monday our agency will go to the court and request Baby H's file to show that she was not adopted by us and turn it back in for another review. What we don't know is if we will be assigned another review date (weeks away) for them to go through our file again OR if, since it is an in country issue, be able to immediately get the signature we need. We are praying that it is the latter of those two scenarios!!!!
A few weeks ago (while in country) God kept putting in front of us believers (in a developing country) who lived in expectation of what God was going to do, not in expectation of what it would look like, but in expectation! This spoke to me SO loudly. Although this wasn't ever being voiced in words, it came across in everything they did. It hit me that I was not living this way. I was looking at things that happened through the lens of the Word, but NOT living in eager expectation of what He was going to do next.........it is such a slight shift, but a huge one. Make sense, right? The ultimate sacrifice was given - so He obviously loves us. He made a way for us to have right standing before Him as a free gift - so He obviously loves us.
So it was amazing to me, getting back to the U.S. with the word expectation already on the brain - that one of the first quiet times (this below between the asterisks by Ann Voskamp) was right on track with this.........
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Yes in Christ! To the enfleshed Yes who said yes to this moment and yes to last year's illness and yes to the cracks of my childhood and yes to the nail and yes to my name in the book of Life, hear me say YES!
The power of sin and death and fear-sent-from-the-Enemy are forever ended because we can trust in the bridge even if it's caving, in God even when it's black, in manna nourishment even when we don't know what it is. The God whom we thank for fulfilling the promises of the past WILL fulfill His promises again.
In Christ, the answers to the questions of every moment are always Yes!
2 Cor. 1:20-22 "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who make both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts a a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."
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How exciting is that? He who said yes to us adopting, yes to our referral loss, yes for this little one who needed an advocate for a year, yes to delays that would teach us more than any study ever could. YOU ALL - hear me say YES! The "Amen" that will follow will solely be Glory for His name!
God is good. He is FOR us and I for one am waiting in expectation of what He is going to do next!
Including the song below because the chorus of this song has constantly been going through my head for the last month - might as well give you all a peek :) Maybe it will stick with you too!
My Soul Magnifies the Lord
Chris Tomlin
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