It is intense.
It is in your face.
It is timely. Each week. Very timely.
Remember reading in the blog a few weeks ago? Things were hard (okay, well that's been the theme for awhile). Oh, were they hard. I mean, come on. We had been waiting 7 weeks. That week was when we started studying the first chapter of James. James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy (PURE JOY), my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Timely. Awesome. I could see how God was working in "my trial". Man it hurts. But I was totally considering it Joy because I know that the perserverance in it was bringing about something that couldn't come about any other way.
Fast forward to another month of the same trial and my painful miscarriage analogy last week (sorry to any man that might find themselves reading this blog) and you can deduce that I'm definitely not experiencing the feeling of joy, not even considering it joy at this point.
Then, unfortunately, to top off the not feeling so joyous is the feeling of guilt for not being joyful. I know. Seriously? Messed up w/ out Christ.
Why would I fight feelings like this when I know God has got this? I mean, come on. I'm a Christian. Shouldn't a mature Christian have this all figured out by now? Well, my friends, when plagued by guilt (of any kind, not just my personal brand) there are two places to go. That guilt can cause you to run from God or run to him. Feelings of - I'm not good enough, I'm a failure, I should know better, I messed up big time, He'll never take me as I am are all lies, a certain "Father of Lies" uses, to get us to go the incorrect direction.
Even me. Where am I going to go? From him OR to him?
I so want so badly to have it all together, so badly that I at those guilt induced times forget James 4:6 "He gives us more grace. That is why scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." God doesn't need us to have it all together. You see He already knows. Let me say that again. God already knows. My yuck? He knows. God loves me anyway. Your yuck? He knows. God loves you anyway. That guilt? He wants me to bring it TO him. Run TO Him when I feel a failure. Run TO Him when I'm face to face with not measuring up. Why? Because He will take it from you and replace it with freedom. Freedom from what? Guilt. Jesus's sacrifice on the cross took that yuck, of whatever you've done, when you repent and give it to Him - and He replaces it with freedom. Freedom. With Jesus standing firmly in my place - His sacrifice is enough. There is grace at the cross.
Whew. That is, was, and forever will be, good news. God gives us more grace!
And then last night......I got smacked in the face with joy and hope again. Praise Jesus!!!
Here is an excerpt from week 5 of the study that did a good job of lobbing perspective my way.........
"This life cannot be properly understood without considering the spiritual realm, a realm that impinges on and ultimately determines the material realm in which we live day to day" (from a commentary) "Maybe we've heard this until the holes of our ears have grown over, but God is the only one looking through every layer and at every implication. He also looks upon a situation in context of what is, what was, and what is to come. His deliberations don't just involve immediate impact. He sees our place and our positions amid carefully woven generations."
I know that God's plan is beyond my understanding. I know that He has heard my every sigh....Psalms 139:4 "Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, Oh Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me." and through this James study yesterday, God showed me a possibility that could potentially be unfolding. I know that He is orchestrating something bigger and more amazing than I could have ever dreamed up.
Still so amazed at the timeliness of this bible study in my life. This is one pumped up and encouraged mama! Love it!
In adoption news, we are still just waiting for MOWA to sign some letters so we can be referred our sweet girl. So prayers would be appreciated! It does make me chuckle how I was so afraid of court closure (mid-August thru mid-October) and by the time we get our next referral, have weathered through the new PAIR process and are submitted to court, closure will no longer be an issue.
Song of the week......
I still Believe
by Jeremy Camp
This song in and of itself is so good. However, new perspective on the song a few weeks ago, as I found out that Jeremy Camp wrote this song shortly after his wife's death in 2001. Whew.
Cheryl, I have found your blog, and I will be eagerly following it! The two posts I've just read have already touched me very deeply. I love that you are doing this.
ReplyDeleteLove your sister in Christ all the way over in Charleston, SC- Margaret Mattox :)
Yay - so glad you found it! Much love to you & your family :)
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