Life in limbo

When I came home over a month ago we assumed that we would head back in a week or two......obviously an incorrect assumption ;)

When one expects to leave the country (for an extended amount of time, and quickly - some with only 2 days notice) one not only DOES NOT unpack the bags of donations that were going to be taken, but one also piles up the other amazing things they will get to bring because they have now been  allotted two MORE bags (because now of the extra flight over)......so parts of the home start to look like what is pictured below and will stay like this until departure:

Youngest male Calder expressing how mama feels....

Carry-On bags just full of randomness we will need.....

It is a constant visual reminder of our life in limbo.

The first two weeks back it was almost as if I was trying NOT to be here - no need to schedule anything, keep the calendar clear, etc. because I never knew when we might get the news and be called away. Then it continued. I realized that I am indeed here, but still refused to fill our schedule.

I have found myself sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for news - and then be disappointed when the news doesn't come. Sigh. Can I tell you how exhausting that is? Add to that having a lot of time on my hands since the three kiddos are in school and I am no longer work part-time as of January 1st (in prep for Little Miss's arrival). Not a good combination. LOTS of time. Dragging. Oy. This has not been the best of times.

Well......just this past Wednesday I made a conscious decision to get off the edge of my seat.

I believe it WILL happen, Little Miss WILL come home.

Unfortunately, I don't think it will be anytime soon.

It is a good thing that this thought process happened on Wednesday. Because yesterday (Thursday)? We found out that we not only needed a new review date (our 3rd review), but that it wasn't scheduled until the 4th week of March. Wow.

Obviously a date that far out was not the news we were hoping for. It has become fairly evident that every time we hit a snag and don't pass a review date? It automatically adds at least a month to our timeline. You can't imagine how frustrating this has become, especially at this point. Snags in this phase of the process were unheard of just a few months ago. This is a brand new breed of delay. There are multiple factors that go into these delays we are facing - I don't want to go explain the why's here because it is multi-layered and super complicated to explain, but if you are truly interested - ask me in person. I am more than willing to engage you in conversation for hours :)

I had someone ask me this week if I was tired of people asking about the delays.

My response?

Nope. Just tired of living it.

Tired of the fact that Little Miss has had to live in group care for an extended period of time, when she has had a family all this time.....*sigh*

I am so ready for this story to wrap up. When posting last week about our referral-versary, I started thinking how exhausting it must be for YOU all to follow our story. You must also be growing weary......

Stick with us folks. God's got BIG plans for this girl - just you wait and see!

Update pic week #53

I am so incredibly grateful for the encouraging family and friends that are walking beside us through these continual unexpected struggles (I even got a good laugh out of the reaction of one loved one at this last batch of news - oh how it helps to have people who literally feel the way you feel). Those of you in our inner support circle? You are indescribable gifts. You not only remind me of the what the Word says when I'm weary - but you lovingly and continually point to the giver of strength, the lifter of our head, the redeemer of all. God knew how we would need support to get through this, and through these folks, we've seen provision in this area FAR BEYOND what we ever could have imagined.

For those praying for us as we slog through what feels epically ridiculous at this point? Thank you. Please don't stop! God hears us when we call out to Him, it is such an encouragement to us just knowing there are so many people crying out to God on Little Miss's behalf!

Move Lord Jesus!