Jason and I were able to get away a few weeks ago to take a LONG overdue trip. With adoption in the works since 2012........vacation days have been hoarded and our budget tight. Those two things combined equaled over TWO YEARS since we had gone anywhere by ourselves.
Without children. It.Was.Time.
We took a three day weekend and traveled to the Pacific Northwest. Since adoption never truly leaves our (my) brain, that is where our agency is located AND we've always wanted to visit that part of the country anyway - it was the perfect destination. We were even able to meet our program director, that we've been working with for quite a while, face to face ;) It was awesome!
Here are some highlights:
Our connecting flight through Salt Lake City Utah - kinda cool seeing the vastness of the great Salt Lake from the air
Our 1st time to an Ikea (fun times)
Food at a furniture store - definitely a different experience!
Multnomah Falls
Bridge in front of falls damaged by falling rock = no connecting to trails :(
Canon Beach in front of the "haystack"
Haystack up your nose!
Biggest bowls of soup ever made!
Crazy sea lions - so funny to watch
Awwwww......
Met up for some Ethiopian food with another adopting couple that we've gotten to know over the last year
In front of our awesome B&B
Powell Books in the background -the best!
It was SO amazing to have a little getaway from everyday life! The next time we travel should be when we go to meet our little girl in Ethiopia. We will have to get a another picture of Jason with a cup of coffee in his hands.......
Ethiopia being the birthplace of coffee and all - he is expecting BIG things.
Easter is rolling around again. Seriously. It is in three weeks. How odd it feels that time goes by so fast that I am lagging behind - mentally I feel like I am hovering around in mid-February, not at the start of April.
So over the course of this past year I'm sure it has become pretty apparent to all that God has REALLY been messing with me......in the area of comfort, possessions and compassion. When we took the step out in faith at the beginning of the adoption process - what really began to happen is that God began to open up our eyes to see the need in the world. True need.
The shift I feel is permeating many areas of my life, and it is rearing it's head once again this Easter. Just take a step back and look at Easter. It is so easy to see - it has been so consumerized. We've turned an event where we are supposed to be remembering Jesus's extreme sacrifice for our sins (death on the cross) and the resurrection (victory over death) and turned it into something else entirely. Dressing up. Easter Baskets. Egg hunts. Chicks. Eggs. Ducks. Ham dinner. The list goes on and on.
I read a book "7 - an experimental mutiny against excess" by Jen Hatmaker last year, and a portion touched on this very thing. This book makes you both laugh out loud and think. It's a good read, if you're looking for a recommendation :) I digress.
Here is an excerpt from the book (the author speaking) "Between ages zero and thirty-two, I celebrated Easter the fun way: with bunnies, baskets, and expensive clothes. What better way to say "Jesus reigns" than dressing my preschooler in a $45 dress to show her off in the church lobby? (You're welcome, Jesus. Be blessed)"
See my hand up? That is how I've always celebrated. Well, this year we a making a small tweak. This year the Calder family is going to participate in something called Forget the Frock.
What the heck right? click here to read more about it.
The premise is to take the money that would have been spent on holiday wear......and make a difference with it. Being a Dave Ramsey FPU alum and past facilitator, I can tell you that I
have learned that money is finite and we choose where to put it. When you choose to buy one thing, you are in essence choosing not to do something else. So this year, instead of buying a new outfit/shirt/dress/whatever and placing our money in the hands of our local Target (most likely :), we are getting a t-shirt instead through Forget the frock - this $20 t-shirt purchase = $20 that goes directly to the organization "feeding the orphans" in Ghana, Africa - and get this, feeds orphans. Money that makes a difference. Meets a need. Cool.
Honestly? Publicly sharing that we are going to participate this year is extremely awkward at best. Jason and I went back and forth with this. Not the participation in it, but the sharing of it.
Here is why:
Matthew 6:1-4 (here is the sum up) "when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing"
When Jason and I give, it is just between us and God - but this time we feel compelled to share. Why are we deciding to share now? Why tell you all? Because it is important. There is need.
Oftentimes people want to help, but just don't know how. What is a good organization? What is a good cause? AND oftentimes people that want to help might not feel they have the money........well this is an awesome chance that YOU could take to re-purpose money that you were already going to spend, for an amazing purpose. I am sharing this to tell you that HERE is an opportunity to give. This is an opportunity to "sacrifice" something this Easter. It isn't much, but it is sacrifice.
Sacrificing how others might perceive you (wearing a t-shirt on Easter, gasp!). Sacrificing a family photo tradition. Maybe sacrificing how other money might be spent on this holiday. Who knows what else. In that sacrifice, you could give. On Easter? Wow.
The need is so large. You can't do everything. But everyone can do something.
Love this song........
Do Something
by Matthew West
Please see my heart in this post - this is not about me and what my
family is doing......this post is about highlighting an opportunity for
you to give.
Referral wait is over. Whew. So now the question always turns to what happens next? Well my friends, we still have quite the process ahead of us. Basically once a referral comes, it is like stepping into the next phase of the wait.......but at least now there is a cute face to look at and pray for!
Recently Ethiopian adoptions have undergone some changes and the process is different post-referral than what it was last Spring with our first referral - so what is coming next is new for us (and lots of other people)
It used to go like this:
Submitted to court (a child "paper ready", within 3 to 4 weeks of referral acceptance)
Birthparent or finder court date (3 or 4 weeks later)
Adoptive parent court date (2 to 4 weeks later) *after this court date child is considered adopted.
Submitted to Embassy (2 to 3 weeks later)
Birthparent or finder Embassy date (2 to 4 weeks later)
Clear Embassy & come home (1 to 2 weeks later)
Total time after referral to court: 2 to 3 months
Total time after referral to home: 4 to 5 months
The process now:
Submit I-600 to USCIS for PAIR process (typically 2 to 4 weeks to submit after accepting referral)
PAIR process/ Birth Parent or Finder Embassy interviews (8-12 weeks)
Submitted to Court (1 to 2 weeks)
Birthparent or finder Court date (2 to 4 weeks)
Adoptive Parent court date (2 to 4 weeks) *after this court date child is considered adopted.
Clear Embassy & Come home (3 to 6 weeks)
Total time after referral to court: 4 to 5 months
Total time after referral to home: 5 to 7 months
Time frames are obviously VERY approximate - one little bump can cost you weeks, sometimes months (just look at our very long referral loss bump for reference) The main difference between what the process looks like now vs. before is that the United States is basically clearing these children BEFORE they go to court, ensuring that once they are legally adopted in Ethiopia by the adoptive parents, that they will indeed be issued visas to come into the United States. A very good thing. It is also a great safeguard to double check the kiddos stories to make sure that everything is being done ethically and that these are true children who are in need.
If you are like me, you are adding up the approximate times in the above process and trying to figure out just when we might be bringing our little gal home. Unfortunately, it's not quite as simple as that, other factors are at play. Ethiopian courts close for 2 months out of the year - from about mid-August to mid-October. As it stands now with our adoption......if everything were to move on the fastest timeline possible with only the smallest of bumps in the road, we might make it to Ethiopia before court closure in August. As much as I want to be there sooner rather than later - knowing how adoption works, I am preparing myself for the Fall. It is a mind-set thing for me. I don't want to spend these next 4 or 5 months driving myself crazy trying to speed up something that I have no control over.
So what do we do in the meantime? Wait. Pray. Trust. I know that God has got this. He's got this timing thing worked out all I need to do is just wait on Him.
The good news? This phase in the wait, although potentially long, comes with cuteness. We are so fortunate that our agency provides weekly updates (complete with pictures) of our child, which gives us something to look forward each week. They are so amazing. Last week we got our first genuine smiley picture of our gal. Wowza. She is a precious little girl :)
Please keep her in your prayers - that she would stay healthy, she would truly feel loved where she is now and that God would prepare her heart for our family. Pray for the paperwork side of things, that it would go as smooth as possible for us.
....................We interrupt this wait to announce that WE. HAVE. A. REFERRAL......................
Nine months after losing our first referral (which, the irony of the 9mo. wait is not lost on me) - we finally got another referral!!!!!
Unfortunately, I can't give many details - except that she is a girl, sweet as can be and appears to be all eyes :) The timing of it was insane. Some of the details are just amazing. Even down to her name. Wow.
I'd love to show y'all a picture, but can only do so in person until we
pass court and she is "officially" ours. If we see you around - just ask
- we'd love nothing more than to show you!
We have been sitting on this news for a few weeks (only telling family & in-town friends), so the tens of you in my readership will have to forgive me for not bursting forth and shouting the news from the rooftops as soon as it happened. I never could have dreamed how complex the emotions behind this could be, especially after waiting all this time. We are absolutely thrilled, but after experiencing a previous loss, we also instantly put up our guard. In all reality we are no further than we were the first go around (since we lost our 1st referral AT court), and there is still a long road ahead of us with no guarantees until she is actually in our arms.
So when will she be in our arms? Well, believe it or not, the adoption process (post referral) has changed since we had our 1st referral last Spring. Soon I'll post about what steps come next and what we can hopefully expect in the coming months.
Please be praying for this us in this next phase of the wait. That we would continue to trust in God's timing and that God would protect this sweet little one as she waits.
Last week I was listening to a podcast from the church we used to go to in Columbia. It was about trials. It was ooooohhhhhh so good. Want a listen? click here , scroll down to the very bottom - "don't waste your trials."
In listening through some messages, one contained a prayer written by John Wesley.....
I am no longer my own, but yours.
Put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will;
put me to doing, put me to suffering;
let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you,
exalted for you, or brought low for you;
let me be full,
let me be empty,
let me have all things,
let me have nothing:
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
to your pleasure and disposal.
Wow. This is where He is bringing me.....I am learning things presently that I'd not learned any other way so far in my short lifetime, through trials comes surrender. Sweet surrender.
Here is a tune for your Tuesday. A favorite - enjoy!
Since we've been at this adoption process for quite a while now, we now find ourselves amidst all things needing to be renewed, updated and re-done. Did you know fingerprints expire? They.do. Months ago, knowing this day would be approaching, I was dreading the thought of all of this work. (especially if there was no visible sweet face to be working towards)
The dread was unfounded.
Even though our situation isn't what I thought it would be at this point in time. Even though we have no sweet face to lovingly look at as we proceed. Even though it seems silly to have to re-do some of these things. The underlying truth? I ENJOY paperwork. Odd, but I am so glad that is the case, especially considering the detours this journey has taken.
Such a thrill to have something to do. Something to work on until completion.
Ahh........I'm so glad that feeling is back again.
We are planning on making some changes to our home study this time around. One change is to our age parameters, they will now be set 0-6yrs. We are also going to be approved for 2 kids.
Why the change? More than likely our referral will be within our original parameters HOWEVER we want to be prepared, should an opportunity present itself with a child that is already waiting who is currently outside our age parameters (0-2) or has a sibling. If God tugs on our heart to move, the last thing we want to think about is going back to do more paperwork to change our homestudy to reflect the age(s) of that(those) child(ren). Since Ethiopia is experiencing some political stuff going on with adoptions (which is what the holdup is for the one piece of paper that so many children need signed which would allow them to be referred) - especially in the region that we are needing to adopt from - this will allow us a little more flexibility should we need it.
One thing we know is that God already knows how this is going to play out. This is in no way taking Him by surprise. He knows exactly which kiddo. He knows exactly what timing. He is orchestrating it all. I can't wait until I can look back and see it for myself - I truly believe God is giving my family (and our future adopted child too) one heck of a testimony.
In case you are worried.....you haven't missed anything.
In the month between blog posts, nothing has changed.
Well, nothing with the adoption process has changed, but this mama is not the same. I struggled my way through last month. Like, I REALLY struggled. I had a 4 day stretch where I was a pretty much non-functioning, teary-eyed mess. It is safe to say that I have never experienced brokenness like that before.
You know that *glimmer* of hope I spoke of early in January? News like that is a double edged sword with adoption. It's exciting....but then you start living moment to moment waiting for news. Then lots of moments pass with no news. Which leads to feelings of disappointment each of these moments. For weeks on end. That is a lot of disappointing moments people. Absolutely no change. After all these months. Still the same. It is emotionally exhausting.
THEN I had a 2 week stretch where I was just insanely LIVID at the craziness that is our situation. Feeling as though we had been passed over. Knowing how ridiculous this is that we are waiting for a child that needs a family, when there are millions of children waiting for families. Re-evaluating everything we've been told and lining it up against what we've experienced.
Stinks to be mad, but through it discovered I would much rather be mad then sad. Being angry didn't accomplish anything, but it catpulted me onward to a better place.
Acceptance.
I am a bit of a slow learner, I know, but did you realize I can do nothing to impact the speed of this process? Seriously. I just recently realized this. I'm not a total moron - I understood it on some level, but still I was trying to have control. Guessing timelines. Researching. Following other people's stories (still not sure how that one would help, but I couldn't help myself)
Control also presented itself by putting much of our lives on hold waiting for this
process to move forward. Vacations days saved, hesitating to make
commitments because we don't know what will be
happening X number of months from now, projecting what "might" happen.
Not a bad thing normally, but since the process has
stalled significantly it has become a problem. I stopped living. Only looking forward. Can we say not healthy?
Not that this statement matters to anyone else......but, I'm done. It is what it is. I am going to go on living, when it happens, it happens. I am done scouring the internet for any piece of Ethiopian adoption news I can find. I am done with guessing when things will start moving again (because it is apparent that things just aren't moving)
So ironic that this is how Jason has lived this whole process. Falalalala. Putting the adoption in a whole other box than real life. Which explains why he has been more emotionally stable than me this last 20 months (although he would argue more like the whole 18 yrs. we've been together :) )
Even though this adoption process is FAR from over, I find myself grateful for the growth that has been inevitably taking place because of this. It is with a holy fear that I admit this.....knowing it is not over :) Oh, how God is growing my faith. I admit, it has been incredibly painful. So painful at times that in the depths of the brokenness - it felt as though I was hanging onto my faith by a fingernail. A fingernail. In the depths I KNEW God says He is good, but it sure didn't FEEL like it. I KNEW God says He loves me, but I FELT forgotten. I KNEW God is sovereign over all and has a plan in all of this, but it sure FELT pointless and out of control. I hung on because I KNEW the truth of God's word.
God has been showing me first hand how to have compassion for the broken - by going through brokenness myself. God has been showing me first hand not to go by feelings - but to go by the truth of His word. God has been showing me first hand what walking by faith and not by sight looks like. I can't see the end of this adoption story, but I can stand on the fact that I know God is good. He is faithful. He works all things for our good (even the yucky timelines). He gives a peace that surpasses understanding. He is near the brokenhearted.
Wowza. That is the God I serve.
What blog post is a blog post without a song? It is a new one which quickly has become a personal favorite.......enjoy!
